How to become your own time machine!

by advocateofentropy

The Daily Prompt brings up the following question: if I were one part human and two parts animal (or plant or whatever), what would it be?
I know flying is cool or instead of having to move your mouth to eat, you could just stand around and “photosynthesize”. But …

I am a huge fan of history and science fiction. What do animals have to do with that? Well: hibernation in it’s basics, is a form of time travel, because at one point you close your eyes and when you open them again, the world will have changed into an ongoing direction without your conscience noticing it. So yeah, everytime you go to bed and wake up again, you did a little time traveling there!
But if one wants to travel very far distances in the 4th dimension, you have to make sure that you don’t starve or die of thirst. And also you’d have to make sure that you cannot get hurt by nature or accident so badly, that you wake up and die immediately. And for the least you have to be abled to choose to end the time traveling process, ergo the hibernation sleep. So I choose my time travel animal parts very wisely and present to you:

The Axograde! (or: Tardilotl?)

The first part would be Tardigrade (also known as waterbear or moss piglet), 8-legged, segmented micro-creatures. Their latin name tardigrada means “slow stepper” and that’s basically what they do. Instead of running around and doing stuff: they don’t. But in addition to not caring at all, they can withstand: temperatures from near absolute zero degrees, up to the boiling point of water; six times the pressure found at the deepest ocean trenches; absorb radioation a hundred times higher than a human could possibly survive; and the vacuum of outer space. Also they can fall into a hibernation-like status for up to 10 years. After that they rehydrate and fornicate – then go back to sleep again. Awesome, right? So with this part I would lie down for about ten years, have a sip of water and go have sex. After the fornication being done, I can study and record the changes in the world. If I decide that I don’t like what I see and just want to wait a little longer, I can go back to sleep. The rest of the awesome talents of these 0.5mm small Kryptonians will save me from most external influences during my slumber.

The second part has to be Axolotl (also known as waterdemon, Mexican salamander or Mexican walking fish), a neotenic salamander and amphibical mastermind (don’t take that literally, they’re dumb as f***!). They have the faboulus feature of being abled to breathe underwater and they can regenerate whole limbs, eyes and even internal organs. Also their caudal fin begins right after the head and they have awesome external gills, so they just look like little underwater dragons. Bam! So I can get hurt whilst my hibernation sleep of 10 years, because when I wake up, my limbs or hurt organs just grow back. Haha!
Optimum would be a secret hibernation chamber with lots of good music and movies, so my mildly sleeping brain doesn’t get bored. Down there only seaquakes could hurt me, but that’s a risk me and my fellow Axogrades will have to face. Nothing comes without a price! 😉

Long live the micro-amphibic! The Axogrades shall prevail!